How to succeed at motherhood

Shortly after my daughter was born a good friend stopped by to visit. She didn't have children yet and I am sure I horrified her by answering the door at lunchtime in my bathrobe. I was suffering from a lovely parting gift from pregnancy called post partum depression but had no idea at the time. I didn't figure it out until five years later when I got it again (and much more severely) after having my son, but that is a story for another post. My friend brought me a delicious lunch and mercifully my cranky new baby was sleeping. Terrified of waking her, we nibbled on shrimp rolls and spoke in hushed tones at my kitchen table. I teared up as I told my friend how disappointed that I was in myself as a new mother. I was so prepared. I just wanted the first few months to be laid back. I thought that having a plan was the key to staying relaxed, but I was more tense than ever. She laughed at me and said "You've never been laid back a day in your life." At the time I was so annoyed with her. I guess I thought that she really didn't understand what I was trying to say since she was not yet a mother.
Years later, after having a second child, I am finally starting to come to terms with what she meant. Becoming a new mother completely changes everything about your life, and it certainly makes you feel like a new and different person. But at the end of the day, you still bring yourself along for the ride. If you didn't like baking before having a child, you probably aren't going to whip out the homemade cookies for your kids' preschool class. The women who seem to relish in motherhood probably truly enjoy the activities that make you envy them. I am starting to let go of my idea of being the perfect Mom and just be me. So I can barely stitch on a Brownie badge? Who cares! I ran a successful retail business for five years and never lost a penny doing it. So I don't make up clever games to keep everyone occupied while dinner is cooking? Whatever! I am a decent writer, quick to laugh at myself, and I adore my husband.
Instead of focusing on what I should be, I am really trying to focus on who I am. I don't view motherhood as a calling, but I love my children fiercely. I work every day to nourish and protect them and grow them into good people. I will admire those other women who sew and bake and play make believe and keep a detailed scrapbook. I will be inspired by their ability to take things in stride, not overanalyze, and live in the moment. But I won't really feel bad that I am not like them. After all, I have never been laid back a day in my life.

Who's your Momma?

Sunday morning. It was chilly in the house, so we had a wonderful fire lit in the family room. For a few minutes, I sat in my chair quietly sipping coffee while the kids played on the floor. Then the little dude brought me a picture book and crawled up into my lap. Next, girlie squeezed on to the tiny space left on the chair to look at books with us. Not to be outdone, the dog stood with her paws on my knees until she was picked up too. Hubs was busy in the kitchen making us banana pancakes and there I was buried in my chair by the rest of the family, all covered up by the people (and pets) who love me.

My guy

Hubs and I are celebrating our 13 year anniversary this week. My idea of a perfect date is to slip on the Pradas and take out a second mortgage to cover the wine we order at dinner. My guy, on the other hand, would prefer something with a little more fresh air and a lot less cash. So I planned a surprise hike and picnic at McDowell Mountain Park outside of Scottsdale. We left the kiddos with a sitter and headed out for a few hours alone. The weather was perfect and the conversation couldn't have been better. It was heavenly to be away from all of the distractions of our daily lives and remember how much we enjoy just being together. This year has brought so many changes to our lives - selling a house, selling a business, a new job, leaving our extended family behind, and moving to a place we had never even visited. I couldn't imagine anyone I would rather have by my side. As we sat down for our picnic after a couple of hours of hiking, I had to admit, it wasn't so bad trading the high heels for hiking boots once in a while.

Confession

Just before my husband gets home from a business trip, I hurry around the house straightening up and then put on some makeup!

How very 50's housewife of me...

Love me like a rock star

The night before Thankgiving we went to see Coldplay in concert. A friend hooked us up with the best seats in an owner's box just to the right of the stage (thanks Mark). As Chris Martin skipped around the stage wiggling his skinny behind I couldn't help thinking about his relationship with uber goddess and screen royalty Gwyneth Paltrow. She is a gorgeous blond screen icon and he is a scrawny oversized elf of a man. After having been with the likes of Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck, you have to wonder what Chris Martin has got that these other delicious men didn't. But then there he is on stage, ripping out his heart with some of the most profound lyrics and I get it. When he softly sings "I will fix you." I totally get it.
On our way out I asked my husband if men really feel like they sound in rock songs. While most of my friends have great husbands, none of us are feeling the heartfelt romance these days. I said "When he sings, I will fix you, do you ever really feel that way?" He looked at me with a smirk and said "Baby, I quit trying to fix you years ago."