Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Right now

It turns out that a large majority of the people in my writing classes either don't have children or have much older children than mine. Out of fifteen people in a class, there might be one other person with young kids.

Once, a younger woman without children commented about how lucky I was to have all of the time that I have to write. You know, because I'm not working. I can't blame her really, she couldn't possibly understand what it is like to be at home with a three year old. And the writers without kids have jobs, spouses, responsibilities. We all have things that get in the way. But the fact that so few of the others have small children always leaves me wondering if I am supposed to be doing this. Or better yet, if I am supposed to be doing this right now.

Every time I come home late from class or a meeting, I make a point to peek in on my sleeping children. I do it on purpose. It's a little trick, like putting on music that you know will make you feel a certain way. The Cure for feeling young again. A certain U2 song for being newly married and on that trip to Italy. Sleeping children for making you feel the magic of motherhood.

Stretched out in their single beds, my kids take up so much less space than I expect them to. So much less space than they take up in my life. They complicate everything and yet I love them desperately. Fiercely.

So do I have bad timing? Maybe, but I can't go back, and I can't imagine waiting ten more years. So this is where we are. Right now.


Anonymous said...

You're right, they're magic. They're magic even to a non-momma who ain't related to them. They're magic partly because they have a momma whose the kind of person gonna follow her heart right now, no matter how inconvenient and difficult and scary it is.

Mollie said...

Read your last two blogs and loved them. I can totally relate...I loved the picture you painted of the tiny munchkins in bed and how they swamp our lives. Too true, too true, and so beautifully written. I've got 3 of my own and oh how I love them.