Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Not perfect, but close enough for now

"I need a jooooob." I whined to my best friend.

"So, get a job." She replied, handing me a glass of wine. It wasn't that she was not sympathetic. She had just heard it all before. A million times. I was tired of hearing myself talk about it too, so we changed the subject.

A few minutes later, we were laughing about the challenges of getting our kids ready for school. Her little guy started preschool this year, and I have a first grader. The lunches, the last minute potty trips, the wardrobe malfunctions. I admitted to pulling through the carpool line in Pj bottoms a few times.

"I don't know how the working Moms do it." My friend said. "Can you imagine having to be ready for work on top of all of that?"

"No." I replied. And then it hit me. I didn't just want A job. I wanted the perfect job. One where I didn't have to be at my desk before my kids went to school. One that had me home in time to pick them up. One that paid well enough to afford childcare. One that was satisfying and challenging and creative, but not so stressful that I would have to start scheduling those weekly therapy sessions again.

One that probably doesn't exist.

When I owned my business, I was fortunate enough to schedule myself around my family's needs, but spent many sleepless nights worrying about the budget. When I worked as a project manager, I made killer money and put in twelve hour days. Now that I am at home, I wrestle with boredom and loneliness. It is never perfect. It's never going to be.

No, I am not going to work on my resume any time soon, but I am going to work on my attitude.

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